Raising My Three And Me

The unfiltered thoughts and happenings of a married SAHM

I Wanted To Quit But I Wrote This Instead

Rock bottom is notorious for being the biggest liar and can have you feeling like you are never going anywhere.

I have found myself in another rut and it’s annoying even to me. I have started and quit blogging so many times and feel like a broken record. I have left and returned to the blogging community on numerous occasions. My toxic trait is jumping ship the second I sense that I’m not interested in something anymore.

This period of my life truly made me lose my love for blogging, writing, and talking in general. I wanted to quit, to delete my account entirely, only to probably start over in a span of a few months.

But I wrote this blog post instead.

Photo by Zach Lezniewicz on Unsplash

There’s a saying that if you fall down seven times, stand up eight. It means that you will get knocked off of your feet many times but you always have to stand up again.

That can be so hard to do.

Especially for someone like me. Life did not deal me a good hand of cards from its beautiful deck of opportunities. Sure, I had a lot of good things in my childhood but a lot of bad things happened and continue to happen to me. Standing up for yourself and making the decision to grow mentally is on you. Life can only grow your body without you doing anything; it’s up to you to grow mentally, to grow emotionally, and alter that body that life gave you.

Life hands you a deck of cards and it’s up to you to go to the store and buy a new one.

Hi friends, I’m Christina and I’m the blogger behind Raising My Three and Me. I created this lifestyle blog to share helpful and relatable posts on three main topics: parenting, personal growth, and productivity. I publish two blog posts a week and appreciate your time of visiting, reading, liking, subscribing, following, and commenting!

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Now back to the content!

Blogging is personal hell when it comes to having social anxiety, depression, and PTSD, being an introvert, and managing three children. I spend most of my time talking to people and it’s so draining. I have made some incredible connections since being back in the blogging community but it does not do me any good.

If I take a break from networking, my blog statistics suffer greatly. If I do spend all week networking, I make fantastic connections but my mind is so loud that I cannot muster up the energy to write or be with my little family, and I don’t think that trade-off is worth it.

The marketing and networking aspects of blogging are getting too much on my mental health. I wonder if other bloggers feel the same way. I would bet that there’s at least one person out there that does.

I love blogging and sharing bits of my life on my site. I love being able to help others and know it makes an impact because others have reached out to let me know how much it means to them. I want to write these blogs for them. I want to write for my kids to look at when they’re older. I want to look at it in the future like I look at old blog posts from my really old blog.

I’m okay with networking, promoting, and marketing, but I refuse to be on and be available every day all day. I refuse to resort to leaving half-assed comments because someone who doesn’t even like my blog wants me to go to theirs. I refuse to get into the politics of blogging. I don’t like how the bigger bloggers feel like they’re superior and hate the bad feelings I feel about myself when a blog I absolutely love doesn’t even look at mine, despite saying they would.

It’s heartbreaking.

Being social for the sake of maybe getting viewers is draining. I miss out on reading my blogging friends’ work because I’m so busy commenting on threads to promote my latest posts. I feel so tired when I know that someone is just here for their own gain and worry that that’s the kind of message I’m giving off when I actually love the posts I comment on.

It’s my dream to do what I love (writing) while being able to help my family financially. I’m not fully picky about the kind of writing career that I want. Maybe I will write blog posts for others. Maybe I will publish books of magical, or thrilling stories, or maybe I will publish poetry that is buried within me.

But I know one thing: my writing is too good to follow a script that others tell me is the trick to landing subscribers. My writing is too good to copy what other bloggers are doing. My writing is too good to hide away my true self and my potential. My writing is too good to go crazy about finding the next thing to write about or to spend the time I could be writing telling the world that I’m good enough to be there.

Photo by Katrina Wright on Unsplash

It doesn’t matter what the rest of the world thinks about me but it matters a whole bunch what I think about myself. It matters that I remain available to my husband and our three beautiful little sponges who are watching me. This is how I want to blog. To come online at least twice a week, share a piece of my soul with you, and be inspirational by being myself. I have done it before and I will do it again.

I desperately contemplated removing my social accounts and quitting my blog entirely. It’s what I do and what I have done in the past. I quit when I’m overwhelmed or afraid. I always quit and I wanted to again.

But I didn’t.

Instead, I’m going to the store to buy a new deck of cards.

I’m going to stop looking for someone else to tell me I’m a good writer and tell myself that I’m a fantastic writer.

I’m going to write blog posts that I love.

I’m going to get on here and write more, promoting and networking a whole lot less. I’m going to stop chasing subscribers and let them find me.

I’m going to find blogs I love and leave them support.

I’m going to be there for my blogging friends that I’ve actually connected with.

I have been scared my entire life but this time, I’m going to choose to be daring. Daring to stand up. Daring to be myself. Daring to be loud and be proud with my blog posts.

And I appreciate every single one of you who takes time out of your day to read my blog and support me because you want to be here.

Everyone else, please, put that energy towards your own journey, we are more than just a statistic. Writing is what I’m meant to do and maybe I will never make an income off of my blog, or anything I put out, but I just cannot keep doing this.

I would rather be poor than think poorly of myself or my writing.

Thank you for reading and I’ll see you next time.

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10 responses to “I Wanted To Quit But I Wrote This Instead”

  1. I fully believe in the power of words and love that writing is what helped me keep getting up, keep expressing myself, and keep healing. Love that it helped you here too!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I completely agree! Writing has done wonders for me through my growth and healing journey. Thank you so much for your kindness!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Christina,
    I so feel you in this post! Thanks for being so brave, by allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
    I too have thought about quitting because I feel like I am maybe not writing content that attracts people or I am not making a difference at all. I barely have readers or engagement. Just this week I closed down another site I was hosting on Siteground after more than a year because I was spending money for a site that just had no traction at all. Maybe I just don’t know how to market right, but I tried FB, IG, Pinterst and I too find it exhausting to have to be constantly on, just to get readers. I refuse to do it and neither do I have the time, since I work full time and have other challenges in my life.
    My mother and a close friend have always supported me and encouraged me not to quit, so for now I will continue to maintain my site in this space.
    Thank you again for sharing and I am happy you decided not to quit😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Leona!

      I appreciate your kind comment on my blog. I feel great opening up and also knowing that there is someone out there who needed to hear it. I completely understand what you mean, it’s really hard to “make it” as a blogger; especially with a thousand people telling you that you need to do it a certain way.

      I still haven’t fully invested in my blog and I doubt I will be continuing to invest money in something that costs a lot that I only use as a minor hobby. But, I do love blogging and the feelings that I get to express!

      I never really understood how to market and even if I did, I do not have the time or energy to be able to sit in front of a screen all day with my three kids and other hobbies and responsibilities.

      I hope you continue to blog and do it how you want to!

      You’re so welcome and thank you so much for being here and taking the time to leave such a kind comment. 🤍

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Christina, I can totally relate to many things you have mentioned in this post. In fact, I could have written it myself! I too have started and stopped blogging and posting on social media a few times now because of the exact same reasons. I’m an introvert, I get exhausted easily etc etc. I actually found meditation worked for me, affirmations and listening to inspiring podcasts. It just lifts me out of the rut and inspires me to keep going. Steven Bartlett podcasts are good and Vex King Good Vibes Good Life book is really good too. I found them really helpful anyway. I hope you’re feeling ok x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Part of me is happy that I’m not alone in these feelings but I also feel sad that you get this way, too! I get so exhausted and it’s just so hard for me to step away. It’s the weekend and I’m working on my blog. I really need to learn a better work-life balance. I appreciate these tips! I have been wanting to get into a podcast for a bit and will definitely check those out. Thank you! I’m feeling better today than I have been lately. I appreciate you visiting and for your support.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah I don’t want you to feel sad! Just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. I’ve read up on this before because I was getting frustrated with myself and apparently it’s called self sabotage. Don’t really know a way around it and listening to podcasts etc is only what has helped me. Oh and prayer. I’m not religious at all but when I ask these feelings to be removed and give me strength, it sounds strange but I feel it’s worked. Could be all in my head though. It’s really good you’re working on your blog but I guess it’s knowing when you’re exhausted and knowing when to step away – balance, like you say. Having young children at home is hard too! And takes so much energy. I hope you get a bit of rest after your blog work x

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thank you so much, I had a fantastic weekend and it was nice to step away and learn to balance. I’m definitely not a stranger to self-sabotage but I have made a lot of progress in getting better at managing these “negative” emotions. I appreciate all of these tips because I’m always interested in finding new things to try to help manage. Thank you!

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Hey Christina, I’m so glad you’re feeling better. Sorry if that came across as preaching – I’m no expert! I’m also on a journey managing negative emotions too. X

            Liked by 1 person

            1. I’m doing much better, thank you for checking on me! It didn’t come across as preaching at all – I appreciate your advice! We will get through this together. X

              Liked by 2 people

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